I looked up Projective Identification and this chapter hit me..

hese patients'] traumatic experiences in infancy...caused them to feel unloved for themselves "as persons." When innate strivings for interaction, especially those based on incorporative wishes, were not lovingly responded to, these infants came to feel that their love was bad or worthless. Deprivation had not only intensified their oral needs but had also imparted an aggressive quality to them, and frustration due to the mother's lack of love had made such patients experience their own love as demanding and aggressive....Fairbairn conceptualized...aggression as a reaction to frustration or deprivation. (p. 71)