Yes, I tell L both helpful things and hurtful things. They are not mind readers, so they can't know if you don't tell them.

Right now L and I are dealing with a rupture. I have told her when I feel like she's trying to prove me wrong, when she's not focusing on the emotions, or when she hits something that hurts or is triggering. On the flip side, I tell her when I feel understood, validated, connected, or when she writes expressively.

Also, telling her what I want and need from her is very helpful to her. I tell her as detailed as I know how to. We're still trying to fimd a common language for things like comfort, soothing, etc. But we have down reassurances, encouragement, and love.

The more information they have, the better they can help you.