I used snort many stimulants and cam with people (Male or female, didn't matter) from 17-20 (When I was severely manic). I once made 3 guys and one woman (My ex e-girlfriend at the time - We had Skype sex every day for 3 months) cum in one day. I would even do it in other peoples houses at night, parachuting dopaminergic powders. I made a porn of myself and she orgasmed 7 times in a row and I thought "Really? I'm that hot?" - But it was never enough.. the validation.. I would stay up all night, through the morning..

I would masturbate 5-7 times a day, but at one time (While snorting chlorinated methylphenidate and a fentanyl analogue), I masturbated 15 times in 24 hours - Out of my mind, feelings of dopaminergic ecstasy (And then crashing, writing down my thoughts, extreme sadness - Which people came to see as my normal).

I would also entertain people by cutting myself (On my arms with a knife) and putting the blood on my face, etc, drinking alcohol, throwing up - I'd also boof half a gram of ethylphenidate at a time and sit, dopamine stoned, accidentally broke my computer - But before that, I'd talk with people on regular video chats, people talking about the universe, smoking DMT (And I'd snort lines on camera but just listened, autistically). I thought.. What a good idea to try psychedelics.

I was seeking constant validation because I was so addicted + In isolation, neglected and abused by narcissists.

It was a weird world, online. Snap chatting + On chats, I'd usually be there for the random suicidal people. I always liked to talk with people about life and what the addiction was doing to us (And some insane guy, talking about impact energy weapons etc) - While people were horny and stupid, I'd just talk to people but also myself, making up stories or rhyme sentences/rap while listening to music. I seemed like the only person there with a soul.

One other bisexual bf I had, we got together after fighting over this one girl.. So we decided to cam "Whoever cums last wins" - And I did. We were the type about "Fight over who gets to be the 'top'". Eventually, I started getting worse negative symptoms of schiz and just stopped doing that stuff.. In the end, his last message was "**** me.." lmao

Then after my bad 4-AcO-DMT trip, I wanted to do it again - But I was extremely traumatized and decided that I should "Cam for money" - So I went onto chaturbate, turned on the camera and someone said "You will be a big hit on here" - And I thought to myself, "What am I even doing? Like I'm an object where old men can jerk off to me? - That is so gross..". It's an endless void that never fulfills and ends up leaving you empty and hollow.

So I left and never did it again. I never came back. I started working on myself, learning about the world (Instead of avoiding it), moved out of isolation and became a brand new person. It's been 5+ years. I thought of myself as asexual for a while (And even porn, I barely watch - It was an interesting time for sure).

Listen to that voice in your head (Your conscience) - It's ok to do these things.. But practice self control, everything can be done in moderation.. But it's best to just STOP - and if you can't, distract.. Anything is better really - You get cut off from society, normal real life.. so.. ^-;