Hi Azul, I always appreciate your replies and I think the important thing here is that (for me anyway) different perspectives and approaches from different members are usually a good thing.

When I post about something that’s concerning me I am not looking for one solution (there rarely is) but different thoughts and perspectives. Often I do get most benefit from writing out about my issue, it helps me reflect. I think others may do the same.

Listening is definitely a skill and it’s one I work on with myself, I read a good book on the subject by the Samaritans charity. Active listening involves picking up on key points and asking further questions about that - it’s something I practice in my personal life with family and friends now. This way you get deeper into the issue, plus the person feels listened to. I know it makes a difference to me when someone really listens.

Personal experience can be helpful but it needs to be balanced otherwise we can make it “all about ourselves” even if we didn’t intend that to happen. The danger there is that the person will just switch off. So I try to keep personal experience brief in my reply.

What you say about offering solutions, I think as you say there’s a way to do this, to suggest rather than tell. The advice may be fine but it may not fit that person. This is where active listening helps, because your checking in with what they think .

Something I always try to remember is that people who post here may be at the beginning of working out a significant problem in their life. They may come back but sometimes they don’t. They are very unlikely to work everything out on one MSF thread, but there may be some things they read here which help them process and formulate their own way forward. We may never know exactly what difference we’ve made. Other people will come back many times often with the same issue but that doesn’t mean they aren’t absorbing and processing thoughts.

Sorry, that’s quite a lot of writing but I hope there’s something helpful in there.