Frankly, it seems there are 3 people in this marriage.

Does your husband have feelings for that 'friend'? Their relationship seems pretty extreme and inappropriate e.g. ignoring you and your needs, intruding on your relationship (as that 'friend' seems present all the time) & worse, lack of boundaries and no respect for you/your privacy: where does your husband get off sharing your personal, intimate and even financial life with this third party?! This is unacceptable.