My emotions got the best of me in my first divorce. It was really rough on me. But now that I am on the other side of the fence, I see things differently.

I am trying my best to be cordial (mainly to avoid emotional outbursts), and having this strategic approach can be exhausting. My plan (for far, so good) has been to talk on Saturday mornings about the divorce, hoping that anything can be resolved before we both head back to work on Mondays.

I have encouraged my soon to be ex husband to seek out activities to become more engaged in his community (religion). Today, he comes back home and after meeting people that are less well off than we are, he realizes how good we have it. I didn't have the nerve to tell him it was too late for that observation. But I did state that turbulent times are coming and that he should seek support outside.

I am done after years of going to him to explain what was bothering me, only to have him blame me for my emotions. It happened again this morning. I shouldn't have to tell a man in his 50s how to treat his wife with respect.

He thinks that if he prays and I pray (which is not my thing), that this would be solved. Despite me having told him, very clearly, that I was done after an argument in which he tried to grab me by the neck. Since that event, I have had much time to reflect. My first ex-husband was much more respectful to me that this man is. I sincerely hope he finds solace in his brethren.

Another thing that did it for me was when I thought to myself I don't want to be in the same place 5 years from now. I want a different home life. And... FWIW, I do miss my first husband. It was brutal to accept that the one person who was my best friend, lover, and rock no longer wanted to be with me. I feel for you.