I've started being really loving with people i care about. Showering the people i love with love and telling them that i love them. I want them to know, i want to tell them, i want to say it because i'm getting older and i don't know how much longer i will last. I don't know if i want to. I'm feeling pretty satisfied with my life. I've had lots of adventures and experiences and extravaganza-manias. But Winter will come for me. I don't know if i want to last thru another one. With this urge to tell people i love them i somewhat feel i am saying goodbye. This is not a suicide post, i am not actively suicidal and i have no plans. I am comfortable at the moment. It's just the specter of the Winter approaching is weighing on me and i am preparing for the very real fact that i may decide i don't want to live thru it one more time. I'm happy that i'm telling people that i love them, it's a positive thing. I just have a sense that my time is short and i don't know if this is just because i'm 55 and beginning to confront my mortality or what. It's hard to see what there is to live for at this point. I've hung in there thru some pretty awful times and it is likely that i will hang in there til my fated death also, but just in case i don't, i want to express myself in clear words while i am still feeling well.