I know. It's really hard. One thing that helps me sometimes, when it seems like things are just getting worse, I remember I have some advantages/blessings that I am grateful for, like being able to see & to walk, to hear music, to use my imagination, & I know someday things will be different, I still have a chance. When I'm able to think this way, it can get me through some difficult hours until I start to feel ok again for a while. I hope things start to feel better for you pretty soon, dear friend.