But the thing is I don't even remember abusing any hard drugs recently. I had a few hits off a joint a few weeks ago for sleep (not sure of exact timing but it hasn't been recently) and a couple (2) beers last week. I don't know where/when/what the track marks are from; I didn't even notice them until the nurses were (loudly) talking about it, right in front of me and all the other people in the hall. I'm assuming some sort of upper which would explain any paranoia and why my pulse was 138 at the hospital last night. I do frequently "miss" hours/days and I'm freaking out because I feel like I'm not in control of anything. I've been trying so hard to be clean & sober and now I'm shooting meth (or something) and don't even know it.

And yes, I'm terrified of cops too.