Like Depressme said, there's nothing wrong with you. You're not a bad person. You have an addiction and a lot of emotional baggage from your childhood / teenage years. As far as the addiction goes, my addictions Dr. likes to say "Bad disease, good people" Getting clean is really hard, but it's totally worth it. I'm an alcoholic and it took me two rehabs, multiple attempts at stoping on my own, a few relapses and 3 detoxes before I finally got sobriety. But it's been completely worth it. I lost my job due to drinking and now I'm back working at a pretty good job, thanks to sobriety.

You're not that old, even though you've lived through a lot. I hear lots of people in AA who have started their lives over once they got sober because when they're not dragged down by the addiciton, they can pursue goals - maybe you could even find a way to go back to school to become the chef you always wanted to be.

You might want to check out Narcotics Annonymous in your area. They can be a great support group for you.

Good luck.

---splitimage