I am honestly very sad to read about your situation. You really did love her and I can understand how painful it is to let go of the ones you loved, trusted, and dreamed of getting old with. I will say here that you need a strong support system to help you get through the emotional and psychological pain. Please go out and have a merry time with the ones you trust, like your friends, family and colleagues. Yes, it is very important to sit and evaluate your feelings and learn important lessons in solitude but you have to balance your day with everyday distractions and a few laughs too otherwise it will be very damaging to your physical and mental health. I am going through a divorce too. My husband filed it and even though it was shocking, now I think my intuition had warned me about it a long time back. So, I know how it feels when all you want is to fix things and hold on just for the sake of love but the other person has a long list of why it's best to let go.