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90mphINneutral said:
I don't know much about APD but I do know that an APD's philosophy is "hurt then before they can hurt me" which is my philosophy too.

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That's not really an APD philosophy, it is more of a borderline philosophy. APD is an absence of the regard for societal norms, rules, other individuals, remorse, human life, etc. Studies done on individuals with APD show that they are actually lacking whatever it is in the brain that makes "normal" people experience fear-- thus someone with APD lacks the emotion and fear that would stop most of us from doing the things that we may think about.

Not to be mean, but if you seriously think that if you told your therapist you carry a knife around so that you can stab someone, and he would overlook it-- well, you need a new therapist. He's not doing his job. Therapists that are "nice" also have legal obligations and concerns for their patients and other human beings.

The fact that you feel helpless and want someone to talk to leads me to believe that you are not as powerful as you say you feel. You may feel that way, but if you were that powerful and angry in every single way, you wouldn't even be posting here.

I suggest you talk with someone immediately before you do something you regret. Because I think you would regret it.