So i'm feeling pretty shattered now. It's an important anniversary today for me and i only had six online messages today, three of which spelled my name wrong. My real name isn't Jane, it's something unusual. I always feel destroyed when someone spells my name wrong. I feel self-conscious and sensitive about my name and it's just so painful when people get it wrong. The messages were over Facebook, where my name is spelled out correctly just two centimeters above so there's no excuse. I felt hope die for me for a few hours today. I ate a cake in the parking lot of Walmart. I've got mixed-mood now, i guess, i was happy and laughing after the hours of despair, thinking about an elaborate lie i'd tell about how the day went if anyone asked. I got really zany. Mixed-mood is somewhat harder than just straight depressed because it's so hard to manage, so unpredictable and exhausting. If last year is any indication, i'll have mixed-mood for the rest of August and September before i finally switch into straight depression in October. What an absurd life this is.

I should probably just legally change my name to Jane. I don't have the energy now but come next April when i get manic, i'll keep it in mind. I'm sick of being saddled with this unusual name. I don't know what my mom was thinking of when she gave me an unusual name. I just want to be Jane.