Dear T

I appreciate that you were willing to reschedule rather than just cancel this week because of your family commitments, and had I been feeling ok I would have liked to have had that session with you on Sunday evening. But I was feeling so crap physically and mentally, I just couldn't face talking.


I realise how counter-intuitive that is, when I feel like a session the least, is probably when I need it the most. By the time we next meet online, it will have been 21 days between sessions. A 3-week break with ex-T would have felt like torture. A 3 week break with you just feels meh... In fact I know I will probably find it difficult to get back into it again, which is even more reason why I should have made myself keep the appointment with you.


I'm struggling with just keeping going from one day to the next at the moment. The therapy sessions used to be a bit of a lifeline for me, but now I couldn't care one way or the other. Maybe it is time to stop while I still have a choice, and not when we get to winter and I can't afford it anymore but then feel desperate to see you. I'm just waiting for the day when H says that we have to tighten our financial belts. I know what will be the first thing to go, our sessions. Maybe my taking a step back is in preparation for that.


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