"I don't have to do this" were the words that came to my mind when I wrote "I don't want to do this anymore" on the paper. And just thinking those words almost soothed the overwhelmed part of me. Honestly, I am not sure I want to do this anymore. I know that this push and pull is a part of my process but I am genuinely concerned for me safety and my general well-being here. I just don't know if it is worth it anymore. Life is pretty good otherwise, and yet I feel by digging all this up every single week I am slowly but surely destroying what I spent so many years building up. No, it's not right. It's not right that I should have to hide this away but you hit the nail on the head when you said "it's not fair, but that's the situation we are in".

It just makes me so angry, and yet there is nothing I can do with that anger. No place to direct it. No actions I feel I can take to dissipate it, because to do so changes everything, and I don't want everything to change (do I???) Again it comes back to the fact that apart from this, life is pretty good right now.

I couldn't do what you were asking me about in session. I will try again this week though, because I do think it might be useful, if I decide to continue, which I am really not sure I will.

I can understand why you ignored that statement, because it isn't the first time you have heard it I'm sure, but it came from a different place this week. It felt far more real.

I am sorry I find this so hard. I'm sorry for myself as well as for you.

I've written plenty of letters from me to the Teenage part of me, but you know what it felt like her talking (or not, as the case was!) today. It feels like she is trying to tell me something, and maybe it's time I shut my mouth and started to listen.