First, I do appreciate all of the comments and feedback. It makes me take a step back on the things done and said.

I went back to texts to see exactly how the lemonade thing all went down. I send her a text saying I'd like to drop off a lemonade for the kids. I didn't say "can I", but "I'd like to". She replied that they weren't home so I could leave it on the front step, or she'd text when they got home and I could bring it over. If it was a big deal, I should not have been given permission in the first place.

One other comment on texts/communication with the kids; they aren't going through me to control. She recently bought them Apple watches "so they can text with either house". The unsolicited texting to the kids is without my knowledge unless they tell me or I see it coming in and ask. I've contemplated having the kids remove the watches when they're with me, but now the ex and her girlfriend started these daily competitions with the kids for number of steps, hours of sleep, etc managed within the watches. So they're focused on that when they're with me. Hard to imagine that putting them away now won't turn me into the bad guy. Regardless, I believe 10 year olds are too young for those watches (there was no consulting with me on getting them), and especially since she wouldn't give the code to our daughter for opening her watch. Instead she gave our girl's code to our son (her twin brother) to manage. I was all over that when I found out. (This is the type of battle I will absolutely engage in: when putting either or both kids into a position like that.)