How awful that you are suffering these things.

I wish I had some real wisdom to share but I cannot function without my psychiatric medications. They don't merely allow me to function but also give me the ability to have joy of living again and peace of mind.

I have been on meds that didn't work very well or only provided me with limited symptom relief and it took me awhile to find the psychiatric medications that had the optimum good effects.

You write so very well. You describe things I have experienced and felt but you put them into words that are so expressive, evocative and visceral. You must be a highly intelligent and sensitive human being.

I hope you find a way to regain hope, joy and peace in your life. The burdens you bear must be so crushingly heavy. Since I am not a doctor or health care professional I know my words must be worse than useless.

So sorry that I was unable to be helpful to you! It is heartbreaking what you are going through!