T, i sent you a one-line email that's so cringey i regretted it the moment i hit Send, immediately logged out of my email and have been sitting here hoping all the servers fail so it never reaches you.

except part of me also wants to log back in to see if you got it and replied even tho' i sent it after you sign off for the weekend so you probably won't actually see it 'til Monday anyway. i'm not even sure why you didn't check in today or why i waited so long hoping you would. ugh, this 'relationship' is so weird. it'd be so much easier for me if i was the cool, calm and collected one, rather than the traumatised, doolally, needy one (not that i'd wish my trauma and PTSD on you. or anyone).

maybe i'll just set my computer on fire and leave the country.