Dear T,
Heading home soon and suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of missing you. Each time I've been down here (by myself or with H and D) since the pandemic (and you started doing Zoom), we've always met at some point, like you were here with me (even if just your image on a screen). So just feeling sad right now about that, plus I won't talk to you until Sunday. We did still communicate in some form though, with your sending that nice email.

I mean, I know it was my decision to cancel Thursday, and I *could* have still seen you down here. But I feel I made the right decision for two reasons: The first is that, at the time we would have met, I was with my parents, D, and H on the beach. So I was enjoying time with them, and I would have missed much of that talking to you. I was trying to be more "present" for everyone this vacation (and was afraid I wouldn't be both with literal time spent with you instead of them or, had yesterday's session gone poorly, thinking/being upset about you instead of being "present" mentally and emotionally with them).

The second is that I think a bit of space between us right now is probably a good thing. Your email showed that you still feel some sort of good will toward me. And that's what I needed. Yes, I could have written more back than I did or sent you a separate email. But I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that feeling (like if you'd given me a response that I didn't feel good about). Plus, I'm still trying to figure out what I feel about everything and what exactly I want to say to you. Sending you some sort of half-baked thoughts probably isn't the best idea right now. I think it's best to just talk, whether we do that virtually or in person.

I just hate that we only have 2 sessions before you're away for a week. I hope I can feel some connection during that time.

Love and miss you (even though I'm still a bit angry, hurt, and unsure of my long-term future with you),
LT