I think i might have diabetes. I have this dramatic reaction to food. I feel high and alright with the world immediately after eating but then i get tired and topple over and have a rest for several hours. Today i actually napped, actually fell asleep at 8:00pm, which is absurd. I had eaten some sugary snacks. It could be a sugar high and a sugar crash. I'm fat and don't exercise consistently and my blood sugar numbers have been borderline for years. I haven't had my blood sugar tested for several years due to COVID. I gained weight during COVID so that might have pushed me over into genuine diabetes. I have a requisition and a blood test appointment for September 12th.

It somewhat doesn't matter tho because i doubt i could overhaul my lifestyle, even for something as serious as diabetes. Anyways, Wikipedia says the effectiveness of lifestyle changes re diabetes among the severely mentally ill has not been studied sufficiently and evidence is inconclusive.

The risk factor of death is actually an incentive as i am sick and tired of my bipolar. I think of this Summer when i was a raging sexpot, chewing everyone's ear off about how i was dating a man young enough to be my son and wanted to have sex with him. I didn't have sex with him because something seemed off about him and because he was poor and disrespectful. All he had to offer was sex and that's not enough. I'm just so ashamed of how i couldn't shut-up about how i wanted to have sex with him. I'm especially ashamed of this one time my neighbor had me and another woman over for coffee and i went on and on about my sexual desires. These two women know i have struggles, but still there was no excuse for being so tiresome about my horniness. Embarrassing.

And what do i have to look forward to, but a repeat of the same shameful behavior? Next manic episode the topic might be different... Or it might be the same. I just hate myself for being such a horndog. I'm sure no one wants to hear about the sexual feelings of a fat 56 year old woman in menopause.