Hugs, Scarlet. I'm so sorry you've lost so many things. I think it's completely natural to feel this way. I think you should talk to her about it (though maybe you have a bit already, at least about her getting married?) I feel like she would be understanding and, I imagine, let you know that her life isn't as perfect as it may look from the outside.

I think what you should also do is work with L to come up with some other dreams for your life. Even something very small or short-term for now. You mention bariatric surgery, so that's one possibility. You say what's the point of that if you don't have other dreams, so maybe work with L to come up with some ways that having it done would improve your life and what you could do from there. Like, maybe it would give you more energy, so you could have more time to do [something] that you want to do. It might help you get off medications that could be having negative mental and/or physical side effects, so you'd feel better, which could then put you in a place to develop new dreams.

I worry I'm sounding like Dr. T here (in terms trying to focus on positive thinking), so if I am, I'm sorry! I know it's not at all that simple because I struggle with it, too, figuring out where my life should go from here and feeling stuck.

I've also felt jealous of my T's. With ex-T, they had a fair amount of money (granted, she was 30 years older than me). Once, she mentioned going out on their boat, and my thought (which I didn't share), was, "Of course you have a f-ing boat." And I don't even *like* boats! But I just got this sense that her life was so easy. One time, I mentioned how it seemed like she just had everything together. She laughed and said she'd have to tell her husband I'd said that, because he'd find it hilarious. As she very much doesn't.

Or with Dr. T, when I didn't get into the PhD program I applied for a few years ago, it was difficult talking to him about it at times because, well, he *does* have a PhD. But then he told me he got rejected in his first round of admissions and had to apply again, and also to schools all over the country (which I didn't really want to do). So that made me feel better (I think ex-MC was rejected in his first round as well).

And then, OK, this is such a minor thing--but I'd locked myself out of my house once. And he said, "You don't have a spare key in your garage?" Me: "Uh, we don't have a garage. We're in a townhouse, and not one of those fancy kinds that have a garage." Or he'd suggest I set up an office for myself in our basement, and I'd say how tiny our basement is, that it literally wasn't possible (especially with H's treadmill down there). And I know he lives in one of the nicest areas of the town he's in (and I'm helping to pay for that!), while I'm in a much less nice area a town over.

But it's helped to talk to him about some of those things. So I suggest you do that with L as well.