Hugs if wanted, Scarlet. I'm sorry you've gone through and are still going through so much. I used to feel jealous of my L too from time to time, mainly because she had the gumption to get the loans to pay for the schooling to get her Master's and get licensed and stuff to follow and get to live her dream of being a t. And I am terrified of borrowing money for ANYthing after having gone through our bankruptcy. (It was so scary when we bought this current house!) About other things too that she would share about herself. Especially like how it seems she doesn't let anyone else tell her what to do not even her partner - when I was forever struggling with my h getting mad about me paying for therapy, and several times trying to quit for him, pretending that it was what I wanted both to myself and everyone else. And I'd stay away for a couple of months until I fell apart and he'd "let" me go back. (Honestly I don't know why she kept taking me back. I was ridiculous with that.) I was jealous of her house too after she moved back to our town, it looks so big and beautiful (I mean I haven't seen the inside except for her office, but still, just looking at the outside, it just has to be gorgeous) I looked at it sometimes when I'd go for a session and think this is practically a freakin' mansion for around here, never in a zillion years would I be able to live in a house like this. it's like it just even further demonstrated how perfect her life must be. Even though logically I know she's human too and also has her own set of worries and troubles and problems, I guess I never saw those because she was always her "best t self" in sessions because I was there to focus on my problems/issues, not to see hers. Anyway, hugs again if wanted.