I think I refuse to "own" these feelings of rage I hold inside. Its easier to watch someone else have love withdrawn, then to remember my own experiences. I am more consiously aware of this today, and am making a concertive effort to not let my anger spill out. I think also I've completely disowned the fact that T has been away this week too, and I have had to re-experience the feelings off abandoment. I did dialogue with this part of me last night and ended realising that I would never abandon "me" no matter what, that is a big step forward, I think I spend most of my waking hours trying to find a "caretaker" for me feelings, but only I can be that caretaker, *sigh* on one hand thats bad news, but on the other its the only way it can be and you realise its more painful looking for love anywhere else but inside.