Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat
I just searched Google for classes in my area. It was a bit of work as some required me to see their therapist and many had waiting lists. I found one that was taught by a psychiatric nurse who was certified in DBT. She also did supervisory DBT classes for therapists. She was great and I learned so much from her.
"So you said your therapist irritates the crap out of you quite a bit. How does one distinguish between feeling frequently irritated with their therapist and recognizing a therapist who is not effective?"
I also have a T that annoys the crap out of me and he knows he does to an extent. I have to censor my true feelings for the sake of keeping him as my T. The main reason he aggravates me most of the time has to do with his need to keep me moving forward and making progress. His philosophy is that it is not ethical to just let someone come in and gripe about life every session, one must always be making progress. He also works with a lot of BPD clients so his boundaries are pretty solid. When I am having a super tough day, I am allowed to vent as long as I use my feeling words and tell him what I want help with regarding the situation. We always have to be working on something, either DBT, CBT or EMDR. Sometimes it is a huge pain in the rear and his constant questions of where do I feel that in my body, or asking me to sit my my feelings in session when I am having a bad day.
I know he means well and wants the best for me but I also get annoyed too. I did see a different T for a few months when mine had to quit for an unknown length of time due to a sudden illness. I have to admit, I didn't like the other guy and didn't see myself making much progress with him. I had plans to look for someone else when I noticed my T was back online again. So we are back together again. I do get really excited when we have to miss a session or two. It is nice to take a break from the hard work.
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I know this post is from almost 2 months ago, but it's resonating with me now. Dr. T and I had another conflict about a week ago. My D and H got Covid a couple weeks ago, and I had been worried about it affecting our annual summer beach vacation that my D loves (my parents go as well). It felt like Dr. T wasn't particularly empathetic or supportive, even saying things like, "Isn't this the best possible time they could have gotten it?" When I said no, I didn't want D to miss her vacation, he still insisted it was the best possible time.
OK, we didn't end up missing vacation in the end (though H and I wore masks when indoors with each other or my parents the entire time, as he kept testing positive). Anyway, that's not the point. I mentioned to Dr. T shortly before leaving for vacation that I'd felt disconnected from him lately, that I thought it was partly to do with his reaction regarding Covid and also having to do more virtual sessions because of that (plus he had some trips in there and is leaving for another tomorrow).
So I emailed him about that, saying I just wanted to make sure he still cared and wasn't tired of me (yeah, I know, I should have just trusted in that, but I was getting a very cold, distant vibe from him). He replied with a paragraph reassuring me, which was nice enough.
However, then he said he felt like I was having a "victim mentality" about having Covid in our household, that he thought I seemed to be expressing feelings of "unfairness and injustice" (which I don't think I was). How that's a bad mindset for anyone, that he was trying to get me to have a positive mindset about it, etc. And said again how he felt it was actually an ideal time for them to have Covid, etc.
Oh, it also didn't help that earlier in the week, he'd said that with my starting to go to concerts again (mostly outdoor, the only indoor one, masks were required) that he figured it was inevitable I'd get Covid sooner or later. Though this case came from D's camp, we're pretty certain (definitely not from a concert).
Anyway, the "victim mentality" really triggered me. As I don't feel I was acting like a victim in that case. And I also worried he felt that way about other things, like stuff with my D's special needs. When I asked about that, he said I was "overgeneralizing" his comment (we also had more discussion, which I may post about later). But it's all made me wonder again about whether I should stay with him.
Anyway, the thing that echoes what's in your post, is: Am I wondering whether he's the right T for me right now because it's not a good fit? OR is it that I don't want to examine and face difficult truths about myself, so I want to find someone who won't push me in that way? I know that both could be true--that I need to face these truths, but he's not the T to do that with. But it's just something I'm considering. Am I thinking of running because it's become uncomfortable again? Is that really the thing to do here?