So I saw my therapist and she's concerned because I can't hold a conversation. She sent an email to the nursing staff. I didn't tell her about the self harm thoughts and I forgot the whole convinced my nails were going to come off. The white noise machine was bothering me. She wants me to go out even if it's with my headphones on. I don't know, I don't feel weird wearing them waiting for therapy but out side IDK. She's also concerned with me smoking to escape. She thinks I maybe depressed. I have a flat affect, I guess, I always hates when she says that because it makes me feel so broken. I'm also realized I'm not eating enough real food and that's an improvement for me I'm going days on just protein shakes. I can't have all these problems by the time I move. So I came home to smoke because that's better then being freaked out by my hallucinations/delusions. Right now I have my headphones on and I swear H is talking **** about me but I know it's not true. but I can "hear" it. This whole thing sucks.