Mm, I think you're in the grip of a psychotic depression so I wouldn't trust what your mind says to you until your brain stops lying to you and you're thinking a little more clearly. I know you think H is going to jump ship, but know that when we're unwell our minds tell us all sorts of stupid shyt that isn't true, and it seems like this is a repeating theme for you when you're not in the best space.

I really hope you get to feeling better soon