Scarlet,

I am not menstruating thanks to Mirena, have not had in years, but back when I did, I had sex when on my period and it was perfectly OK.

Sex, like cardio in general, is beneficial during periods because it increases blood circulation and that reduces cramps. What is especially beneficial about sex, as opposed to cardio in general, is that it increases blood circulation in the pelvic area, where it is most needed. I hope you can convey this message to your H.

Your partnership indeed does not sound equal and you seem to be, as you say, a novice with much to learn, what with not seeing your H naked for three years. I hope you are on a good path and the therapist continues being helpful.

Regarding cleanliness (his concerns about "the mess"): I know of a company called Liberator that produces sex furniture including spreads (I think made from faux leather) that protect bed sheets from lubes, allow for playing with toys. I do not know how much they cost (I do not own one), but it would be worth looking them up on the web to explore.

I hope you get to receive what you deserve.