Oh my gosh, I need some support or something.

I got sober in April 2005 - AA, 12 steps, the whole deal. I've had two "slips" since then - basically a weekend each time - and have now been continually sober since November 2007.

I started therapy for the first time in November. Lots of unprocessed trauma, etc. Stuff that AA wasn't helping with. Anyhow, I AM REALLY STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW. I've taken hydrocodone quite a few times over the last month - not for pain, just for relief from feelings I know that's not okay. And now things are really feeling like too much for me to deal with - too many feelings and I'm not good at feelings - and I just want to say "%#@&#! it" and have a drink. I actually went to the liquor store but it was closed because it's the morning. I have a busy day, so I'm hoping to just make it through the day and maybe this feeling will have passed by tonight. But what if it doesn't?

I have three little boys, and I don't want to be an active alcoholic. There are so many reasons not to drink, but the pull is SO STRONG. I left a message with my T, but I'm not sure if it made me feel better or worse.

Help