I have been struggling with letting go of a long term friendship... for a very long time now.. and have posted... different times.. so.. sorry.. here is another one..

and if you have thoughts... please share...

I am not sure when this started happening.. in our friendship.. I think at her retirement.. she retired at 50 something.. both she and hubby have money.. and no children..

she started critizing me for everything I do... and voicing it.. and badgering... wanting to pick out my dog.. well just everything..

so yesterdays conversation - a part of it..

she is getting new wood flooring... and we talking.. I said.. you must be so excited.. Yazza...
and asked where she was putting it.. and she explained.. dinning room.. hallway... and I asked.. "all the way down" the hall way?? cause I wanted to know..

and whoa... that set her off.. into such a tagent....

and I said "XYZ"... I don't talk to you.. like that why do you do that to me... I don't understand what is going on... lately..

and then she said: "because I know what you are thinking.... you are thinking why doesn't she put wood in living room.. and all the hallway.. and.. and... and... and.."

WOW>>>>> I must think alot....

really folks.. I had none of those 'thoughts' - I was still trying to visualize.. where she was putting the wood..

and when I told her that... she cried..

and I felt so badly...

but.. I can't go on with my friendship like this..where I can't have a simple conversation... with her.. "venting".. and that is what it is....

so... I have tried... so hard...

and frankly.. with my eating disorder.. sapping my energy... and the fibrom.. pain... I just do not have the energy to be "badgered" and "yelled" at... everytime we talk..

I am actually afraid to say "it is beautiful out today" because it sets her off in a tagent... of "no... it is xyz.. and tttt and lll and ppp"... and Yazza..

so what do I really do??? I make up excuses so that I don't have to see her... when we set a time... it make me physically sick...

is this what friendships are suppose to do??

and if I have tried and tried to make it better.. and it isn't... can I let it go...without the quielt...