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Tart Cherry Jam · Sep 05, 2022 at 03:16 PM

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You have my blessings to hijack my thread, it is not a problem. I hope you will receive what you wish from your father, though I would caution against feeling devestated if you do not. That being said, time is slowly running out for my father too and I, too, move ever so slightly closer to him as death approaches. There are only so many chances we get with our parents. When we are young, they seem infinite, but of course they are not. Be sure you have eyes and ears here to lend comfort and to listen, no matter what. .

You are absolutely right. I have reread my post and noticed that I wrote that I realize that he might die. I meant to say soon, but it came across as if I am still holding on to the idea of parental immortality. We indeed have only so many chances.

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I am turned on MOSTLY by power struggle. Strong emotions can do that, too, but I avoid those, espacially the good ones. This is not a great way to live life, of course, and my T and me will work on this when we get there, I am sure. Perhaps we already are working on it, for already I feel myself ever so slightly more open to being vulnerable than I did a year ago.

All the best working it out with your T! You have already started and you will see how other emotions, not only those that are "edge" emotions, are valuable and worth exploring.