Hi!

I joined the community yesterday. This is my first thread and I want to talk a tad about myself and then what I'm interested in beginning. I enjoy learning from those who are schizotypal or bipolar, as I have a schizoaffective bipolar type disorder.

Firstly, I am beginning to feel myself. We have found fairly good success with Lithium, Lamotrigene, and Caplyta. My problematic positive symptoms are mostly at bay. For me, the main issue now is grappling with negative symptoms of lethargy and lack of interest. Fortunately, I haven't been very manic or psychotic in 3 years (the last severely manic episode was February of 2020. I had finished a stressful busy season working retail and people around me weren't taking the covid stuff seriously. I went a bit mad and had to stop working. I am still unemployed, which has actually been a gift because I needed to be low stress while figuring medical stuff out).

As you may have noticed, my thinking and communication has been fairly strong/organized. While I am by no means recovered - I am relieved of the disorder/babble, paranoia, and delusions (in the past hallucinations were rare). I attribute this change to my perseverance and the formerly mentioned medications in addition to a new one that I am quite excited about - Sunosi.

Sunosi is an awake-promoting agent (importantly NOT a simulant). I knew that I suffered from tiredness, but had no idea that a medication could bring me to this level of feeling awake and capable. I have been responding well for a week.

Onto the Main Topic of This Post

Now that I am feeling more well, I want to learn an instrument. To be realistic with my limited money, I want to spend 50 dollars or less.

Locally, the jaw harp is a celebrated instrument. The versions that sounds electronic is unbelievable. You almost wouldn't guess that its an analogue sound. The kalimba was another potential thing to learn. The tin flute is chipper and delightful when played well. What to do?

Well, what about a recorder?

Ah ha! I've loved baroque music ever since I found a CD of Bach to play in my Volvo S40 (my first car out of highschool). I don't come from a musical family. We aren't high class. But baroque music? It is so wonderful.

The recorder peaked 200 years ago when baroque composers were alive and creating music. Yet, so many of my fellow Americans probably don't think of it as a "serious" instrument. I do remember the squealing horrors we summoned as elementary students.

After some digging, I have settled on a Yamaha 312b. It's alto, and should be a great choice for me considering the 38 usd price tag and quality at that price point.

Learning in the Past

I am not the best learner. I'm just going to be honest. I suspect my mental health declined in middle school and by high school, I barely graduated. For me, college was attempted for a semester and I decided to be rational and simply stop to avoid debt.

What I am however is; meditative, skeptical, and sometimes patient.

Notice the "sometimes"? With some activities I can be quite dedicated to the practice, so long as I am calm. As my user name suggest, I really enjoy painting. I have been painting for half of my life and probably intermediate-advanced with my specific mediums. While this is well and good, I struggled to learn the drums that I picked up in freshman year of highschool. It's honestly a lot of emotional baggage. To some degree I feel as though I failed. My drum kit still sits still in our basement, untouched and only lightly played (I should really sell it but still have some kind of emotional attachment in addition to getting stressed with the selling process).

I'm going to give the recorder a patient attempt. While I could over analyze all day, I am instead turning to you all for opinions and advice.

My Questions for You

- Have you learned an instrument?
- How has your condition shaped the ways you learn?
- Do you have any advice or opinions based on these words?

Summary

I am excited to grow in emotional health, learning, skill, and coping. My past is troubled and sometimes with music I get frustrated. I am doing better with Sunosi. Now that I feel myself, its time to engage myself with a practice that can enrich my life.

Thank you for reading this rather long post, I look forward to hearing from you.