Feel a bit more human after sleeping good outside and a cup of some really strong coffee. I think tonight I'm going to try sleeping inside, but take my mattress and put it on the floor. Might be a little more comfortable and more restful sleep, might be too familiar to sleeping on my bed and get more sh**ty sleep. Worth a shot because I am not sleeping outside in -40F windchills when February comes (if it even gets that cold this year, after this summer I highly doubt we'll have a typical winter). I'm going to try living with my friend in Maine. It's closer to here than my dad's so I'll try and work out a partial living with my mom and partial living with her so I don't have to switch treatment teams every time I get sick of staying somewhere. I actually kinda like my new pdoc and it'd suck to lose the second decent outpatient med provider I've had in the past 11 years (as long as she doesn't turn into a total beyotch later on).

I've changed my mindset on substances and I think this way of thinking is going to really help. It's very "one day at a time"-ish. Instead of saying "never gonna do anything again," it's "I really want to use right now, but I'll wait until tomorrow" (if I want to use, if the thought of drugs/alcohol doesn't pop into my head I won't make myself think of it).

I feel like I can focus for once. I don't know if it's the music I've been listening to, the coffee, the sleep, a combo of those, or something else, but I may actually read a chapter of the book I've been trying to get through since January (which is a shame because I already forgot half of what I've read so far...and it's a super interesting book!)

Free, organic, homegrown hugs to anyone who wants them!!!!