I'm sorry to read that his anguish and pain are causing extra pain and upset for you, Have Hope. He has to be made to realize, his reactions are really quite infantile, and unfair to you.

Insults and slinging rude labels at a person are both deal breakers for me. It's understandable, being stressed by a parent's tragic decline; but there are lines that should not be crossed, ever.

It is absolutely NOT okay to: 1.) Make it another person's problem., or 2.) Drag another person down to where you feel you are at in your suffering, ie. Ruining their day because you feel yours is shot. Lastly, there is the ultimate unfair fighting tactic: 3.) Projecting your anger/ frustration/ mild and temporary sense of derangement onto another person, and accusing them of the horrible things that you are doing/ feeling, including throwing insults. This is absolutely, unconditionally NOT okay!

These are base and low ways of deflecting pain, and they are never acceptable for an adult human being. Some people race to them first because they seem to be right at hand when we are in pain. But upon reflection, one would hope the offender would revisit how badly they've been managing their thoughts and words, and make an appropriate effort to modify those behaviours.

Talking about what you're feeling in an adult fashion, really hearing the other person, apologizing as quickly as possible when you've clearly mis-managed an emotional exchange---These are the correct ways to behave towards a loved one or friend, especially when they are there for us, and trying to help us.

Perhaps a trial separation is the best way to proceed, if he continues on this destructive path. That gives you time to investigate seek legal protections for yourself.

Myself, knowing what I know now, I would also probably look into emergency women's shelters, or confide in a trusted relative and get some promise of protection, that way.

(((Massssive hugggs))) for you...