I get to see T on monday at this past weeks break...I have struggled this week and normal I fall apart once I am back in T ..but this break I've felt as if I've been just about getting through it.....I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow, but the thought off work is just to much for me and I phoned in sick this afternoon and will not go back to work until tuesday..its the only way I can hold onto some peace of mind until monday...I want to hate T for doign this to me, but I also want to feel love for her,,its these two thoughts that are crippling me...I want someone to attack me because it will feel better then the feeling of being attacked I feel from within right now......to be able to hate someone and love them at the same time is like some medieval water torture...amen