I definitely have to resist being passive-aggressive. For example, it's natural for me to sulk when I get angry. Now I'm currently having this huge conflict with a colleague and one of my concerns is that I'm coming off as passive aggressive. It's true that I'm furious with him but haven't spoken to him directly, just like the article describes. But in this case, I feel talking to him will only make things worse for me. I wish I knew a way to make clear that while I'm angry, my behavior isn't a form of punishment, it's just the new normal. I just want more boundaries and don't necessarily want to interact socially with my colleague anymore.

I'm with you, Azul. I sulked once and only once with my SO. I realized very quickly that the relationship wouldn't survive such behavior and never sulked again with them. With my mom, I sulk...because she never listens. Every time I've ever told her why I was angry, she's immediately reacted with disgust, scorn and disbelief. An attitude like, "OMG, that's why you're angry? Give me a f*&^ing break." I guess maybe that's where my sulking originated. No point in trying to communicate why you're angry if you feel you'll just be ridiculed and invalidated. Only be holding onto my cold, quiet anger did I ever manage to wrangle an apology out of her.

Down, I could try to write an email. I've done that in the past when serious issues came up. I think in 10+ years, only twice was I angry enough to send an email protesting a situation. But both times, I was very clear about what I wanted. This time, I don't want anything. I've distanced myself from the group and only want to preserve that distance. But that's on me, to establish and maintain my boundaries. Nothing to say to the other parties.