I'm so sorry to hear that you've come to a point of what feels like desperation and little hope. You said that you're already doing all the right things and that's great. Is there a crisis line you can call. Where I live, you can call and they will come to your home to councel you if you want or they will do it on the phone. Reach out to whatever resources you have where you live, including your own T if you have one. If you don't, sorry I don't remember, I would suggest you find one. If you do have one, I would encourage you to call for an emergency session, as I did myself a few days ago. Go to your local ER if you need to, even if it is for support. What about family, do you get any support there? And of course, you have all of us here. Reach out and talk with us all that you need to. We will be here for you to help in any way we can. If you need anybody to talk with, you can PM me any time you want. In the meantime, know that I care very much for you and support you and hope that you can feel better soon. Is there anything in particular that is bothering you that maybe we could help talk with you about? (((((((((((wisewoman)))))))))))