I feel like what is happening to you in this situation would also happen to me if I had lived through what you lived through and I am so very, very sorry that you lost your home to fire in 2017! What a heartbreaking situation then and now.

We don't get to pick the brain we want when we are born and a lifetime of experiences kind of programs it's autopilot. Pardon me if I am incoherent!

I am facing the prospect of a disease that nearly did me in the last time I had it so I am especially sensitive to people who are facing nightmarish scenarios in their lives right now.

I could be wrong but I think we kind of have to try to keep loving our little brain even when it is doing strange things or implanting unwelcome thoughts and feelings and sensations inside us.

Having suffered a nervous breakdown before I am not quite as scared of it happening again. But I realize the prospect of one is distressing to the extreme!

I remember sitting in an office inside a psychiatric hospital having rolling panic attacks and I asked the psychiatrist there what I should do. He kind of shocked me when he said: "I think you should have a nervous breakdown." It was like he was not only accepting me and my worth as a person but telling me that it was okay to not be okay when everything around me was falling apart.

Believe me, I am not trying to encourage you to break down, but I think the brain has its limits. None of us really know what those are until they happen to us. In a moment of candor, the psychiatrist told me: "I shouldn't be telling you this, but I have had a nervous breakdown before. "Stuff" happens."

Since I am facing the real possibility of this terminal illness now, my mind is all over the place. It feels sometimes like a hot fog around me or a cold one.

Today I was surfing the internet and my attention focused on the word "the." I kept looking at it and thinking how foreign it looked. I pronounced it and it sounded so barbaric to my ears. To be truthful I feel quite alienated from reality at the moment so my heart goes out to you.

Wish I knew how to be truly understanding and compassionate, but I am not all that wise.

I am sending you a virtual hug. I hope things turn out for the best for you or that no matter what happens, the ultimate outcome is the best one possible, all things considered.

Sorry I could not be helpful to you. Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words!

Sending you best wishes! Yao Wen