You are not alone, in feeling this way.

I learned from a psychologist who helped me get out of an abusive relationship that I used drama to fill up the emptiness inside myself. I, too, feel like unworthy and not normal.

But, we can start building from where we're at. One step at a time.

Have you heard of coda.org ? Please check it out. They have online meetings and some in-person meetings as well. Some of the meetings are for 'women only' which is what I'd suggest. It's to help people dealing with issues like us. It's Codependents Anonymous to find ways to fill the void in new and healthy way.