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CANDC · Sep 12, 2022, 11:23 AM

Hi @Artistic Wordsmith - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry your marriage has hit a challenging place. That must be very disruptive to your life.

I have dealt with a friend that is bipolar. When they went off meds, the outrageous things that happened really opened my eyes to how bad untreated bipolar could be.

You said

Quote:

how do I get him to wake up, how do I get him back?

The short answer is I don't know and I think even a professional might not know. If your husband went back to therapy and faithfully kept on their meds, there would be a chance you could be together if the relationship you had with a woman can be reinvented with a transgender man. You seem willing to work on the relationship. I have yet to see anything substantial backed up by action that they have that same willingness. Maybe it will hit them that they made a mistake.

In my friend's case they ended up in the hospital in patient and that got them back on meds and back on track again, but the relationship with them has never been the same. Too many hurtful things were said that could never be withdrawn. They still hurt even though I know it is the bipolar talking. Part of it is not bipolar, they just want to do things their way no matter what the cost. I have found no way to counteract that kind of attitude.

I wonder if you might consider a different question: "How do I get my life back in order, not depending on someone that at this point appears to be undependable?" or "What can I do to reinvent what I think will give me happiness and do self care that will keep my life on an even keel?" These are the questions I asked myself and I am happier now having a life where my happiness is not in the balance of someone that just keeps not taking care of themselves.

I do not have the answer for you, but I hope you find one that works for you. My own experience is that depending on another person to be happy makes me very vulnerable. I guess I am the one that woke up to this fact and for me the answer was to give up on depending on them solely for my happiness. I would not go back to the way I used to think because having a self directed life has proven to be more viable for me.

I hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC