I am in the depressed phase of bipolar. I am waiting for the call from my aunt that my Grandma has passed away. She was given a few days to live. I am listening to rock to try and keep my mood upbeat a little. I was also in contact with my doctor about counseling. I am waiting for a call from the doctor's office. It is a psych doctor's office. I used the 988 number the other day. I almost admitted myself. But then I wouldn't be able to listen to music. Music is my major therapy right now. They don't allow headphones or even phones. Nothing with wires. All there is to do in the pysch ward is watch tv and color. I don't care much for tv and I can't concentrate on coloring. I think as long as I can get into counseling I will be okay. I just haven't felt this bad in years. Of course it's been a few years since I lost my other Grandparent. We really didn't have any warning with my other Grandma. This is different. Well back to my music now.