This must be difficult. You've set a personal limit and now it's been reached. I know you already know how cycles of abuse function and how people who suffer abuse from others keep adjusting their personal limits. I would only add that your future is yours to determine. No survivor I know regrets choosing themselves.

With regards to your husband projecting his feelings and being the escalator in disagreements, I have some advice. Keep your cool and shield yourself by saying I have asked you to not insult me with nasty names. Will you honor my request? The wording is important... you want the question to be yes or no. He can choose to answer or he can choose to continue pushing you past your limit. The goal in asking is to calm things down. You are essentially asking him to refocus without telling him directly. It's you giving him the choice.

When he keeps asking about divorce, skip wondering if he's projecting and go with it. Ask him very specifically if he's asking because he's afraid you really do or because he wants a divorce and just doesn't want to say it out loud. Then be honest when he answers. He may be feeling your worry and fears or he may be projecting his own. You and he (as individuals and as a couple) should discuss this elephant in the room because it's either the real issue or preventing you from dealing with the real issue.

I know my response may not be the gentle support you requested. It isn't my intention to upset you. My intention is to give you a communication option to deal with things. Sometimes life's trials and tribulations happen all at once to remind us we are stronger than we are willing to be so we come out the other side happier and wiser.

Wishing you the best for happiness and health.