So sorry this happened to you. Your wife sounds like she had serious issues and no interest in facing them. Surely you will be happier in the long run without her, though it will take some time to move through the pain and the loss.

An older colleague had no idea what to do after retirement. I suggested he spend the first year just focusing on himself. In this context, it meant getting into better physical shape, finding a healthy routine that suited him, fixing up his house which had fallen into disrepair, etc. Maybe you could try to focus on yourself in this time and develop a lifestyle that will make you feel happier. When going through a difficult time, routine is a big help, and also positive social interaction.

You wrote: "Now I'm here with all these negative connections about myself while she is out having a great time with the life I helped her build. I didn't deserve this." It's best not to imagine all that and not care, but...from what you have described, I don't think she will be able to be happy for long with the issues you have described. I don't think she sounds capable of maintaining a healthy relationship for long, and very few people will be as patient as you were.