My Support Forums - View Single Post - Destabilized after friend who ghosted me before ghosted again

*Beth* · 10:48 PM

I'm so glad you'll be seeing a therapist soon. You have what sound to me like some excellent ways to self-care. And a cat always helps

I can't say I've ever had trouble making friends, but I've had some challenges with ending friendships, or "lessening" them. I've never ghosted anyone, though.

It sounds heartbreaking to me to be a child and wonder why you can't make friends.

So much of making friends when we're children involves environment and era. For example, I grew up in the '60's - '70's in an "American Dream" type of suburb. All the kids in the neighborhood grew up together. Even before kindergarten we were outside, playing together in other kids' yards and houses. Then we started school together and went from kindergarten all the way through high school together. My home life was hell on earth, so I really depended on my friends for escape.

Once families bought a house they stayed there. I can't think of any children moving out of the neighborhood until we graduated high school. Everyone found "their group." I can't recall any child who was completely without at least a few friends.
Buuut, those were extraordinarily different times. By the time my own children were growing up in the '80's - '90's, even though we did live in a suburb, it was extremely unusual to see children outside, playing. Kids were indoors with TV, video games, then the internet. Making and hanging out with friends in each others' homes was natural for my son but for my daughter, she had a much harder time of it. I think that when children aren't outdoors with other children it's damaging for their ability to learn social skills.

tecomsin, what was the situation when you were a child? Did you live in the same home while growing up or did your family move a lot?