I have to extend an apology to each and everyone of you that has read and responded to my posts. You see I have used you al and used this board to help perpetuate a deception. Let me explain.

Actually the vast majority of what I have posted on here has been fact.

Fact... I have been battling severe depression.
Fact... I do want to get better and I am seeking help to get better.
Fact... I did originally lose my ex girl friend as a result of my depression
Fact... I do so very much love my ex girlfriend and I miss her terribly which has magnified my depression 10 fold
Fact.... I often think of a way out of my mess

The deception comes in in that I have been acting out inappropriately sexually. I know now that I have done that because I want an escape from my agony, my pain. but the reality is that has only made my pain worse. The incredible shame and humiliation is often more than I can bear. I think of how I hurt my ex girl friend and my heart begins beating so hard I think it is going to beat right out of my chest.

In order to protect myself and to furhter this mask of deception I continued the cover up on htese boards and involved perfect strangers thatwere only trying to help me. I extend my profound apologies to each and every one of you for having done that to you.

I was trying to protest myself. Hoping that this would all go away. Hoping that my ex girlfriend would read the baords and think that I had not done those things. I figured if I was successful in this "cover up", I could put it behind me and move on. but now I know the only way that I can put it behind me is to bear my soul and be truthful.

It is true that I love my ex girlfriend so very much. There is no way to describe the anquish, agony, sense of loss, pain, emotions, sense of failure, humiliation that I am feeling now.

I went with my daughter to the Halloween Store and she was all what we would add to our Halloween display. I couldn't focus or get excited with her as I usually do as I was wondering if I'll make it to Halloween.

God help me. I am so sorry for having deceived each and every one of you. I am so ripped apart because I am like two people. The decent kind person, someone that gives of themsleves, a good father, a good listener, someone caring, compassioante and sensitive. Then there is the lowlife scum that deserves the isolation and punishment that he is going through.

Again, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.