Hi @Sunflower123. A thought is that you've had a very rough year and have seemed vulnerable to "relapses", whatever that means for you (bipolar or not). Having extreme stressors in life exacerbates mental illnesses, of various sorts. If past medications have not served you well, then other treatment approaches are best to pursue, whether with medications, therapeutic approaches, and/or significant life changes. And "significant", as you know, may mean "sufficiently great", but also "sufficiently important". Two related meanings, but size may not be (or seem) large, in the same sense, in the latter case.

I certainly can't know what your definitive diagnosis should or shouldn't be, but feel that clinging to something that doesn't work is counterproductive and may only do you harm. Even if you do keep a bipolar diagnosis, know that our "flavors" are on different points of a mysterious and varied spectrum and our illness courses often change throughout our lives. Mine certainly has. The brain is so complex! Clinging to a particular spot in that universe doesn't always make sense.

Don't you dare dispare or feel too frustrated! There is no need to. Things can improve in an instant, or can be hard won. Patience, tolerance, hardwork, forgiveness (of self and others), and an open mind for the present and future, helps. Imagine the moments, floating on your back, in the water. Your eyes closed. The sun is shining, making your closed eyelids appear red. You feel warm and at peace. You open your eyes and you are temporarily blinded by the light. Then you see again, the bright beautiful sun and blue skies. That's always there, or will be again. That's how seasons work, and mecurial things.