from the people that I care about

How do people get by living so far away from their loved ones? Or should I say, the people that I love anyhow.

I feel so lonely, and almost as though my relationships are all an illusion because they're pretty much non-existent, with the exception of a few short phone conversations

And I feel this way, yet i'm surrounded by the loving family that I'm staying with for the summer. My aunt and uncle love each other and their 3 little children so much that it makes my heart ache because they're all receiving so much love that they deserve. But there are time where I wish that I could take the place of the little girls, all cuddled up in bed in their mothers arms. Whispering sweet words of how much they love her and covering her with kisses. Watching that every day... its so beautiful, yet makes me so sad.

I'm so in need of comfort right now. The other night i tucked my little cousin into bed and left in tears (she didn't know) because she told me she loved me and held on to me tight.

Children are such loving creatures, and I only wish that innocence and love could be held onto better in adulthood. They know what they need, and their not ashamed to express when they need some tlc. I would never dream about being that open with someone... yet thats exactly what I need.

I miss my mom. I miss my old T. I miss my "mother figure", and my cousin, my aunt, and my best friend.

Why can't I embrace all the love that surrounds me every day, and not let my ego get in the way by turning it around on me - essentially making me more sad, and longing to have more?

I'm no longer motivated to help myself.. and i'm feeling stuck and depressed, but unable to express any of it.

I'm scared if I do, then I will be rejected by my aunt here.

Sorry for the long post... I don't really know where i'm going with any of this