Hi hellishly. You are certainly not alone; I'm not a very trustful person either. While this may not provide much consolation, I've found others' experineces (in the forum) that are similar, do provide a lot of support - makes me lfeel a lot less alone and weird. I've not divulged to either my friends, and certainly not to my family, 2500 miles away, how desperate I feel at all. I find it very easy to claim to be fine and change the subject. I just don't know how long it can last.