View Single Post
 
Old Sep 19, 2022, 05:40 AM
Have Hope's Avatar
Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,731
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
Does this mean you have decided to no longer leave him?
I don't know @Rive. I really just don't know. I know the next time we fight, I will want to leave him again. And if he insults me again, I will want to leave him.

I am well aware that he's abusive when we fight. When we're not fighting, he is not abusive and is very loving, kind and affectionate.

I have been through SO much this year already that I am enjoying the peace and calm between us right now.

I also don't know if I am ready to face an entire upheaval of my life. I took a month off from work due to a mental health issue early in the year, then I was worried for 4-5 months about losing my job which was very stressful, then my dad died in June and now this.

I also know that I cannot withstand the fights, the abuse that occurs when we do fight or the insults and hurtful comments.

I want to ask my therapist if my husband is working on himself in therapy. I need to ask him this.

It's very possible that in the next fight, I call it quits. I am very reactive and that's how I react. It's gotten to the point where I cannot tolerate it. And my patience is wearing thin. He knows not to insult or demean me. He knows I will not tolerate that OR the fighting.

I, too, contribute to this, however. When I question his fidelity, he gets upset and tells me I still don't trust him. It's true that there's still an element of mistrust on my end and I do question him on things from time to time having to do with other women.

When I point out that his tone sounds angry, he immediately denies it and tells me he's not. So then I tell him, yes you are sounding that way, and that's how an argument and fight can start between us.

Maybe the moment he denies it is when I tell him I refuse to argue over it or fight with him and maybe at that point, I walk away.

I mean, I do contribute to these fights somehow - maybe if I change my own approach, perhaps it will help defuse an argument.

On the flip side, I am wondering if I would simply be better off and happier being single. I can see myself being very happy.

This is not easy. It's very very hard, in fact.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"

~4 Non Blondes

Last edited by Have Hope; Sep 19, 2022 at 06:27 AM.
Hugs from:
Bill3, MuseumGhost