You are experiencing a lot of emotions and stress right now. Confusion is normal when emotional or stressed.

I agree with Rive, not trusting someone who has broken the trust doesn't make you a bad person... it makes you normal. If he wants your trust back, he has to earn it. Forgiveness from you isn't enough. Calling you names, insulting you... why? Because you aren't blindly trusting him fast enough for him? Because you set a boundry against his disrespectful behavior? Because how he behaves displays as anger to you and it scares you?

You do have the option to not react when he pushes your buttons. It will likely prevent really nasty fighting in the short term. It won't stop him from purposely pushing your buttons to begin with, and that's the abuse that needs to stop. He may even try buttons pushing more often because the abuse cycle is when he's in control of you and he has to get you to react for the cycle to happen. Just be aware of this and prepare yourself. He will find a way to get you to react.

You deserve happiness. Don't let fear or anger block you from finding happiness.