I feel things deeply - empathic depth. Sunsets, beautiful music, other people’s situations, you name it can bring tears to my eyes and stir my emotions. I sometimes find it necessary to tap (EFT) in order to clear energy that’s not mine. When they put me on Zoloft - I felt nothing at all. I cried not one tear for my brother. Not during the service or internment or afterwards. I’m off Zoloft now and man am I feeling all the feels! I don’t think I like that one bit!

I'm also a deep feeler and an empath. All of my life people have said, "What a gift you have!" Hmm. I struggle with whether it's a gift or not. Whatever it is, it's makes my life awfully painful. Would I trade it? I hope to have that answer some day. I guess I wouldn't trade the wonderful aspects, but the terrible ones are...terrible.

It's so hard, I think, for people with a mental illness when we've been on medication that blunted our emotions to suddenly have those. For me, I feel like a little kid who's just learning how to deal with feelings and emotions. I guess that's a lot of what therapy is for, come to think of it.

I’ve been watching the Queen’s service and procession and it impacted me negatively. Yes, I quit watching once I realized. My mood was high before and it became low and I was very sad and teary. I’m wondering if it was everything I didn’t feel and process for brother’s service coming to the surface. Forget that!

I have been watching her service all day (I recorded it). When Princess Diana and then-Prince Charles were married a friend and I stayed up all night to watch the wedding of the sweet, lovely girl who was just a year older than we were. How romantic! These days I hope not to be up all night doing anything, lol.

Anyway. I am thinking that the Queen's funeral, seeing all of that, is way, way too close to your own current grief and just far too soon following the loss of your brother. I've lost almost all of my extended family and at some point, funerals became a regular part of life. Miserable, but something about processing my own life's growth? Or something along those lines. A strange part of my life, that's for sure.

Today while watching HM's funeral and procession I cried - a lot. I adored her for many reasons. And I was thinking of you, because I read this post this morning, just as I had begun watching the recording on TV. I was thinking that it has (thankfully) been 3 1/2 years since I've been to a memorial service. If seeing something like the Queen's funeral would have been close in time to a funeral of my loved one there's no way I could have watched it.

I'm not saying that to refer specifically to the Queen's funeral, but to offer you encouragement. That awful, awful pain and the grief (even of losing a sibling) really does lighten. It did for me and from others I've spoken with, it does for them, too. I'm not trying to pressure you in any way, just offer a hand and a hug. I have faith that the loss of your beloved brother won't feel as mean as it is now. I truly have that faith and hope for you.

I’m heading out the door to go to aqua fitness, to swing by the doctor’s office and to get a Daily Warrior smoothie. Hopefully, that will clear things up because it’s a truly beautiful day outside and I intend to have one as well.

Sounds grand! I hope the day was very successful for you. Aqua fitness and a smoothie...sounds just perfect.

In other news…I got a notification yesterday that my Amazon order was delivered. I walked to the mailbox and it was already stolen. To say I was livid is an understatement. Still somewhat fuming today. Vultures. And I live in a good neighborhood.

Ohhh, I am so sorry! I frequently order from Amazon, wait for packages, and to have a package stolen...how enraging. I truly feel your frustration.

I missed being here and I missed you guys and gals. The break was needed. I’m glad I’m back.

I'm so glad you're break was helpful to you - and so happy that you've returned.